So, it's been a while, but I haven't been in a blogging mood lately. It's weird. I've been evaluating myself lately, trying to understand how I work. I mean I guess that's part of life, right? Trying to understand how you work and why you do what you do. So, today, I was with people who were talking about classes I was in last fall. Oh last fall.... The worst semester of my life by far. I've never fallen so hard before, been exposed to such wonderful things and had them pulled from under me. I guess that's the way life works. Appreciate what you have while you have it. I wonder what people thought of me during that time. I was talking to one of my major design group members and he knew of me in the fall before we became friends in the winter. He evaluates people before he chooses to become friends with them, so I wonder what he thought of me.
I've been learning a lot of things from this friend about myself, life, etc. I love learning about things from other people. One thing that he has made me realize though is that I don't really go off and learn things on my own. It's true... I don't know why. I don't know how to balance my life. I haven't touched a camera in weeks. It's so sad. I guess it's sort of that there are too many things I want to learn, too many things that I don't even know whether I'm interested in them or not. So, instead, I just freeze and don't do anything. One of my friends bought me a photography book and mailed it to me in September. I just opened it. It's seriously the perfect book for me. I want to read it. Other people make time for these things. I don't know what I do during the day. I don't get it. I mean I guess I would say that I do too much. My life is consumed with activities, stopping me from exploring. But where would I start anyway? I'm an over-analyzer who always ends up spontaneously choosing something when given the option.
Another thing I've learned about myself is that I get bored easily with people. I don't mean that in a mean way. I just haven't kept the same set of friends all throughout college. Not that I'm not still friends with them. I just mean the group I actively hang out with. It's seems like I jump to a new group every year. This doesn't mean I didn't like the old one. I just actively need change in my life. I mean I guess that's why I came to Michigan. That is why I've moved around so much since I've been here, why I love airports (different people coming from different places, different backgrounds), why I discovered traveling and I never want to stop. I almost feel like I could never happily stay in one location for a very long time anymore. I need new. I need different. I feel like if things aren't changing, then I'm getting comfortable. Right now, I feel like I'm getting comfortable. I need to fix that. Rewind.
Two days ago, I had to do a presentation about anything in my Techcomm class. After a little help from a friend, the topic I chose was film history. Wow, doing research into it brought me back, it was like a beautiful light. I miss film. I've never had something light up my day the way film does. Honestly, it's not that I don't like computer engineering. I love it. It's so cool, but so is film. And my happiest semesters have been those where I've had a balance with both of them. I was so on top of my game in my engineering classes after writing that presentation. It was just the motivation I needed and all I did was research into things I already knew. Gah, I can't wait until I start taking film classes next semester. It might be tough, a production course with EECS 373, but it's going to be awesome!
Time for work. Senior design has taken over my life and yet, I feel like I've been doing nothing for it. Grr... I really need to get a timestopper.
