My biggest fear right now is this idea of "growing up." What does that mean? I honestly don't particularly like the thought of it, and I can't really stop it. I have my own apartment now and I love the freedom I get with it. But at the same time, isn't this what people do as they start becoming "real" people with "real" jobs? I grew up wanting to go to Africa, wanting to do something that would make a difference in this world that would directly impact people and change the world. I've always said I don't want to work at a big company because they create things for the people with money for big consumers for a small portion of the population. What about everyone else? What about the people who are hungry? Who don't have homes? Who don't even know what computer are? Yeah, those people do exist and those people are the people who we should be helping. Not because I think they should adapt to our lifestyle. I don't think they should be forced to use technology or live the "Western" lifestyle. I believe that everyone should have the option to live the life they want to. But, yet, either way, here I am looking at big corporate jobs just like everyone else.... Cisco, Intel, Google, Apple,... They are the big companies that do make great technologies. Don't get me wrong... but what are they doing to directly help people in need. What am I doing to help these people? Nothing. And it's sad.
I guess my biggest fear is actually growing up to the point where I look back in my life and think I never accomplished what I wanted to accomplish- that my life had no value. I hope I won't get to that point ever. I could still see myself traveling around the world and meeting different people and exposing myself to different cultures, which is great - what I really want to do. But, how am I helping other people? Yes, meeting people can affect their lives too, but still, I want to be a direct impact. I really want to change people's lives. I've learned all these things in school that could really make a difference. But how do I make that change? What should I do? I'm just so confused between the way society is pushing me to go and what I want out of my life. Society tells you. K-12. College. Job. Married. Kids. Then maybe after you retire you can travel and experience somethings you never experience. Why wait? Why live this consumer American life? I know I'm already living it. I'm currently typing this on an extremely expensive Apple computer. But, it's not spending the money that matters. It's what you do with it. I bought this laptop so that I could make movies. Why aren't I going to Africa? I could make movies for Invisible Children. I could use my Computer Engineering to build robots that help... I don't know what. But, I know the need is there... Why aren't I pursuing that? Honestly, I don't know and that's what bugs me the most right now. But, where would I start?
